April 14, 2008...2:59 pm
hi-ho hi-ho…
I am going back to work today after taking a week off. There’s a lot I want to say about that. This where it gets hard for me, I half own this business and to say that keeping going has been a challenge is an understatement. I co-own the business with a good friend who is very type-A and a narcissist. When I tell him I think that he’s wrong it actually makes him stammer in disbelief. He makes some very poor decisions both for the business and personally for himself.
When I met him I owned a little shop where I did readings for people and sold pretty things. I had a big online shop and that was his line of business…websites. I loved owning the shop but the readings were harder. It’s a big responsibility to hold information for people and when people think you have the answers they want to follow you, which made me very uncomfortable. I am one of those people who this stuff just happened to, rather than the ones who train their minds for it from early on. It never seemed “special” to me, I screw up like everyone else…the notion of follwers…ack! I have always felt like everyone has this same ability (in one form or another) that I do, but they are unaware of it. You have to look within, not outside for the answers though..and the insight.
Anyway, I was starting to feel uncomfortable with the burden of reading, when along comes this very bright young man with big ideas…a plan. He told me about a vision that had been “downloaded” from on high to him some years ago to create a business infrastructure that would support the mutual interest of individual businesses and then be designed to support the larger community as well. It was powerful juju.
When he explained the whole vision to me the energy in the room was amazing. It was true tantra, but without the sexual connection. The energy of the vision and the optimism and the potential at that moment created an energy in that space unlike anything I had experienced prior. It was like a plasma of intention which we were both projecting culminated in the room we were in while we made our plan for our business. It made every hair on my body stand up. Part of it was just timing…I was actually in the process of a kundalini awakening…didn’t even know what that was at the time…so my energy was quite high. He’s no slouch in the energy department either and it made for quite a thing. Even typing about it now is making things shift in the room I am in.
So many lessons, so little time. What I didn’t understand…and in some ways still don’t…is that a person can be given a vision of this magnatude and then lack some of the very basic skills required to make it come together. We both have discovered, over the course of three years, that manifesting a reality is a lot of hard work. It can also be very painful. So many ups and downs, missed chances, so so so much to learn. For both of us.
So when it all began, it was on a very spiritual high. I actually held onto that energy for a long time…a lot of let go let god kind of thing. I have lost that in a way now…I am in faith all the time but not so much at the will of the creator anymore…now I have to be present and in my mind a lot of the time. It’s hard not to get caught up in the burdens of the physical experience. It’s all very real, even it is temporary.
I can say that over the course of the last three years, my busness partner and I have learned a lot about ourselves and each other. I think we both discovered a grit within that we didn’t know existed. I have had to let go of a lot of notions about people and have learned how significant a force money is for people, including myself. My business partner is learning to share the load and confront his limitations, and also the power of networking. We went into the partnership as friends and we still are…but it’s different now…like people who have been in battle for a long time. We share a common experience that very few other people can relate to. So far we have not changed the world but it’s certainly changed our worlds…and in the end I suppose that’s the best place to start.
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