April 16, 2008...6:36 pm
standing in emotion
An interesting thing is going on for me right now. I am experiencing a sense of loss when the reality is I am gaining something. I am blessed to have two friends who know me so well I can be myself completely with them. They know and have seen my work with energy and intuition…the joy and the pain of it. We have all been there for one another in different ways over many years. These two people though, have only just met in person recently.
They are both gifted in ways that I am and through a series of life events they have become roommates. I feel like it pushes me aside…like I am left out some how. I am not going to be there for the late night chats and spontaneous inspirations. I won’t be the first person they talk to when some big energy event happens, or an amazing dream or vision occurs. I’ll get to hear about it later…probably often through a second hand account.
It’s part of my struggle. I was thinking this morning I want to just forget about all the energy stuff, the visions…be present, live and deal with what’s in front of me. Then I think about my two friends becoming better friends and I want to be there, in the midst…all visiony and energy…just like they will be.
The reality is I am gaining…my friends both need each other and they will become more whole through their new arrangement. Which, of course, is exactly what I want for both of them. Also, having this pair together and me with full access….but not having to live with them myself…is a little slice of heaven. On the higher levels, the three of us are extremely dynamic and the kind of energy we produce when we are in alignment is the sort of thing that could change the world. Their getting to be friends is only going to make that happen more deeply, and here I am, jealous.
I wish I understood what to do with emotions….it’s the most difficult thing for me to fathom about this experience. Over the course of my “journey” (honestly that’s such an overused word) I have had a chance to communicate with people who have crossed over. I am lucky in that I usually see the ones who have made it all the way over, rather than those that are hanging out here. But in both cases, when they communicate with people here, it’s done through emotions. When people talk about God, they talk about Love…emotion. When people talk about enlightenment they speak about controlling emotions. Emotions play a different roll in our experience as beings than we recognize.
I am feeling a complicated blend of emotions…savvory and sweet, bitter and hot. How is it my self can know what it is I want to feel and my emotions can be acting some other way? Do I accept that I am feeling something I don’t want to feel? Do I try to fix or change how I feel? Do I have a temper tantrum?
I know I am not the only person who is dealing with this dilemma. Brilliant people let emotions sideline them and do things that can only seem insane. Take that astronaught who drove 600 miles wearing a diaper in a jealous rage. Or Bill Clinton, allowing lust to compromise his position as the most powerful man in the world. Our passions lead us into battle, into divorce, into stupidstupid relationships, into bankrupcy, into the darkest part of ourselves. Our “ups and downs” are all waves of emotion. An earthbound spirit is one who’s emotions are so prfoundly linked to this form experience that they cannot let it go. A crossed over spirit is one who has allowed love to shine far enough through the veil of the form that they can remove themselves from this experience long enough regroup and have a do-over.
I have actually given myself a lot to meditate on just by writing this so I am going to spend some time with that. I can see what we transcend when we raise our vibration and strive to keep it elevated. I am sure I’ll have more to say on this subject in the future.
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